


Like Real People Do

by Voidfish



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AU, F/M, First Dates, Fluff, Pining, Roleswap, something light and sweet after that last episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 05:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11502384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: The two were walking away when Barry took a deep breath in.“I have one last question,” he said. “You still have one skip...Why are we here, Lup?”Lup’s eyebrows knitted together. “You were the one who asked me to meet up.”Barry sighed. “Not here, I mean here. At the Chug ‘N Squeeze.” Lup gave him a blank stare. Barry breathed in deeply. “Lup, is this a date?”





	Like Real People Do

**Author's Note:**

> That last episode was so good but I needed a distraction so here's the Chug 'N Squeeze date in the tazswap au. I wanted to explore Barry being a reaper while keeping as in character as possible. This is unedited and i greatly apologize for that.  
> Title from Like Real People Do by Hozier.

Barry Bluejeans had expected some trouble from Lup-he had to account for dangerous people in his line of business, people that would rather attack him and attempt escape than give in to death. It was understandable, he knew how scary death was especially when you were doing something...not exactly ethical, so he tried to take it easy on his targets. This call was not the threatening kind- instead he was simply tasked to figure out what the actual fuck had happened that caused the death counts of the Tres Horny Girls (he cannot believe he’s calling them that) to go up from unreasonable to very unreasonable. Even though they weren’t in any trouble (yet) he expected refusal. He was literally the grim reaper, who wouldn’t refuse to having a chat?

But he also knew that these people, these criminals, did not see things the same way and would not take it easy on him. So he always accounted for trouble. For pleading, for bribery, in a few cases an awkward attempt at seduction.

He did not expect to be invited to the Chug ‘N Squeeze.

When the Raven Queen had told Barry to question one of the Tres Horny Girls (it was no easier to think the second time), he had quickly chosen Lup. It wasn’t for a logical reason-if he was looking for the easiest to talk to that would have been Julia Burnsides- but he liked Lup. She was fiery and funny and-wow, she was something. 

But this was professional, work-business. Strictly platonic.

***

When Barry Bluejeans arrived at the Chug N’ Squeeze he was thirty minutes late, in his skeletal form, and carrying a medium sized leather jacket covered in spikes. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he wheezed out when he saw Lup, “there was emergency at work and-”

“You’re all bony,” she said through a smile, and if Barry had a heart still it would have skipped a beat. 

“Oh, shit, my bad,” he muttered, concentrating on summoning his more human form.

“I mean, I dig it, but it might freak out the locals,” she said with a sly grin. Her eyes flicked over to his hands. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” he blushed, “it’s a-a sort of apology? For being so late. I don’t know- this was left over after I dragged my bounty back into the astral plane, and, I don’t know, it made me think of you-”

Lup cocked a single eyebrow. “You brought me a dead woman’s jacket?”

Barry swallowed nervously. “Yeah, I guess you could put it that way.”  
There was a pause before Lup snatched the jacket from his hands and slipped it on. She posed for him, reflexively. “How do I look?”

“B-beautiful- I mean nice, very chic, platonically beautiful.” Barry cleared his throat. “Should we start the interrogation?”

“Sure,” Lup said as she shrugged and patted the seat across from her at the table, but she looked a little nervous.

“That was a joke, I’m just gonna ask you a few questions,” he reassured her.

The tension released from Lup’s body. “So,” she smiled, “we’re playing twenty questions?” Barry blinked repeatedly, trying to understand what she meant. Lup laughed. “We take turns. You ask me what you want to know, and then I get some juicy secrets from you.”

Barry frowned. “Can we skip any?”

“You get three skips, that’s it.”

Barry sighed. “This is the only way you’ll let me ask you what I need to know, isn’t it?”

Lup laughed, leaning back and tucking her hands behind her head. “Yup.”

“Okay, than. I guess I’ll start.”

***  
Barry finished asking questions for work by question five. The first few questions Lup took it fairly easy on him, asking about work and things like that, but once the professional business was done things quickly got personal.

They were working on pottery and finishing off a bottle of wine (Barry finally realized why the place was called Chug ‘N Squeeze). Lup was making a vase. Barry was attempting a bowl, but he currently had a lump of clay.

“How are you so good at this?” He muttered to Lup.

She laughed. “I go here on the weekends to listen to gossip and to play wingwoman. That’s one of your questions, it’s my turn.” She ignored Barry’s protests, searching for a question. “Why are you a reaper?” She asked, turning to him with intelligent and curious and gentle eyes, and fuck he shouldn’t be here right now but he doesn’t want to leave.

“That’s, uh, that’s a very personal question,” he said.

Lup looked at him with sympathy. “You have three skips.”

Barry shook his head. “Really, it’s fine. Just caught me off-guard.” He looked up and took a deep breath. “Originally, this wasn’t the goal.”

Lup laughed softly, taking a sip of wine. “Yeah, I figured.”

Barry smiled and continued his story. “I was a scientist, at first, and then I got into some...well, I got into some bad- I played around with necromancy, basically.”

Lup looked shocked. “But don’t you like, lock up people who do that?”

Barry nodded. “Yeah. I got cocky, and I really botched a spell. Like, killed instantly botched, extremely fucked it up.” He took a sip of wine. “The Raven Queen gave me a choice-be locked in the stockades, or be her reaper.”

Lup hummed. “Sort of a shitty deal,” she said.

Barry shrugged. “It’s not that bad. I mean, I’m not in jail.”

Lup let out a laugh. “Death jail sounds pretty bad.” There was a pleasant pause as each focused on their pottery. Lup spoke up. “Your turn.”

***  
The Chug ‘N Squeeze had just closed. The game of 20 questions had been interspersed with side stories and conversations, a discussion on how to make pottery. At one point Lup had gotten up and recited a spoken word poem she had written about wine, and Barry in response had sung a cover of Fantasy “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.”

The two were walking away when Barry took a deep breath in.

“I have one last question,” he said. “You still have one skip...Why are we here, Lup?”

Lup’s eyebrows knitted together. “You were the one who asked me to meet up.”

Barry sighed. “Not here, I mean here. At the Chug ‘N Squeeze.” Lup gave him a blank stare. Barry breathed in deeply. “Lup, is this a date?”

Lup laughed, and looked around nervously. Throughout the date she had taken her hat off, but now it was tucked under her arm. She looked at it thoughtfully for a moment. “If you wanted that, Barold, I wouldn’t mind that.”

Barry nodded, a smile slowly spreading across his face. Lup looked up just to see it, and she reciprocated.

“I have one more question left, too,” Lup said, and she stepped closer to Barry. She tilted her head, and despite her fake confidence she seemed honestly nervous. “Can I kiss you?”

Barry blinked, frozen for a moment. He was broken out of the spell as Lup deflated. “I’d-I’d love that. Yes, the answer is yes, please, shut me up-”

She cut him off in a kiss. It was nice, sweet, gentle.

And then Barry went flying backwards, a mage hand flying out of Lup’s hat and hitting him square in the chest. 

Lup threw the hat down, and turned to Barry. “I guess we should get heading home, then?” There was an apology in her smile.

Barry laughed, and dusted himself off. “You might wanna get that thing checked out, hats aren’t supposed to do that.”

Lup laughed. “We’ll see if it does that next time.”

Barry was glad he didn’t have to breathe because he could barely get his lungs to function. “Yeah, next time.”

Holy shit, there would be a next time.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is @infernaltwink, come scream with me about blupjeans!


End file.
